(Originalmente publicado en el blog de Mindfulness de PsychCentral)

En una entrevista anterior, Christopher Germer, Ph.D. exploró con nosotros porqué recientemente la compasión recibe tanta atención y cómo puede curar la desvalorización personal tan presente en nuestra cultura. Christopher Germer, Ph.Des psicólogo clínico, lleva a cabo su práctica profesioanl en Arlington, Massachussets y autor del reciente libro The Mindful Path to Self-Compassion: Freeing Yourself from Destructive Thoughts and Emotions (El Camino Atento hacia la Auto-compasión: liberándose de los Pensamientos y Emociones Destructivas). Es miembro fundador del Institute for Meditation and Psychotherapy (Instituto para la Meditación y la Psicoterapia), instructor clínico en Psicología en la Escuela de Medicina de Harvard, y co-editor del libro Mindfulness and Psychotherapy (Mindfulness y Psicoterapia). Christopher además conduce talleres sobre el arte y ciencia de la auto-compasión atenta (Mindful Self-compassion).

Hoy Christopher comparte con nosotros la noción radical de aceptar nuestras emociones más difíciles, nos comenta acerca de la neurociencia que subyace a este proceso y brinda algunos consejos.

Elisha: Has sugerido algo radical en tu libro, que es la práctica de la aceptación de nuestras emociones difíciles e incluso el poder responder a ellas con compasión. ¿Puedes darnos un ejemplo práctico sobre como uno puede lograr esto?

Christopher: Sé que es una apuesta grande, pero no necesitamos zambullirnos de cabeza en nuestra emociones difíciles para transformarlas con compasión – sólo necesitamos tocarlas.

Hay muchas formas de hacer esto que explico en mi libro. Quizá la forma más fácil es simplemente etiquetar la emoción – miedo, enojo, pesar. Cuando etiquetamos una emoción, especialmente con “atención bondadosa y amable” en vez de “atención preocupada”, la emoción parece perder su aguijón. Los estudios por imágenes del cerebro han demostrado también cómo el etiquetado reduce la respuesta de miedo de la amígdala, una zona del cerebro que dispara las señales de peligro.

Otra estrategia es localizar la emoción en el cuerpo. Todas las emociones tienen un componente corporal. Por ejemplo, el miedo se siente con frecuencia en la barriga, la tristeza en el pecho, y la vergüenza en la cabeza. Una vez que ha identificado el lugar donde el sentimiento se siente con más fuerza, puede aflojar esa parte del cuerpo, permitiendo a la sensación permanecer, sin pelearse y dirigir un poco de energía amorosa y amable a ese lugar en su cuerpo como si perteneciera al cuerpo de una persona que ama mucho, como por ejemplo un hijo muy querido. Este ejercicio es llamado a menudo “aflojar, calmar, permitir”. Considerando que las emociones son una red de reacciones a nivel de la mente y del cuerpo, al cambiar una parte de la red se modifica el resto. Por ejemplo, una persona puede rumiar mucho menos después de un insulto en el trabajo cuando logra aflojar, calmar y permitir el dolor del insulto en su cuerpo físico.

Una tercera estrategia es usar el lenguaje para calmar, consolar y acompañarse a sí mismo cuando se está sintiendo realmente mal. Puede intentar las siguientes frases que Kristin Neff llama “mantra de la auto-compasión”. El mantra de la auto-compasión es un ejercicio que se enseña en el programa de entrenamiento de 8 semanas llamado “Mindful Self-Compassion (MSC)” (Auto-compasión Atenta) que Kristin y yo estamos desarrollando actualmente. Cuando se encuentre atravesando dolor emocional, intente decir esto para sí mismo:

Este es un momento de sufrimiento
El sufrimiento es parte de la vida
Que pueda ser amable conmigo
Que pueda aceptarme tal cual soy

Usted puede adaptar su propia frase, cuidando de que sean creíbles y apropiadas a su situación. Por ejemplo, si está sintiendo un sentimiento de culpa, puede decir “Que pueda perdonarme”. Usualmente cuanto mayor es el sufrimiento en el momento de usar las frases, mayor el impacto.

Elisha: Si estuviese sentado junto a alguien que está luchando con pensamientos y emociones destructivas, ¿qué consejo le daría?

Christopher: Eso depende, por supuesto de quién sea la persona y qué es lo que le esté pasando en ese momento. En general, no doy consejos cuando conozco a la persona por primera vez porque puede parecer que estoy distanciándome de la persona –como se sienten usualmente las mujeres cuando comparten sus dificultades con maridos bien intencionados. En cambio, en un primer momento estoy inclinado a sentir la lucha de la persona en mi propio cuerpo.

Hay un tema importante aquí también que recae en el núcleo conceptual del la Terapia basada en Mindfulness y Aceptación: “lo que resistimos, persiste”. Al resistir el no poder dormir, posiblemente desarrollemos insomnio, al resistir la ansiedad empezamos a rumiar o sufrir ataques de pánico, si resistimos la pena eventualmente estaremos fijados en un cuadro de depresión. Incluso Sigmund Freud dijo: “una persona no debe esforzarse en eliminar sus complejos sino entrar en acuerdo con ellos”. Lo que estamos cultivando es una nueva relación con lo que nos enferma- una relación caracterizada por la conciencia momento a momento (Mindfulness) y una actitud amable y de aceptación (Compasión). Esta relación no intenta “quitar” o “reducir” los malos sentimientos y emociones, sino más bien vivir en forma segura y pacíficamente “en el medio” de lo que nos está molestando.

Pema Chödrön, una monja occidental en la tradición de Budismo Tibetano lo dice mejor:

“… todavía podemos estar locos después de tantos años. Todavía podemos sentirnos enojados después de tantos años. Todavía podemos ser tímidos o celosos o estar llenos de sentimientos de desvalorización. El punto es… no intentar alejarnos de nosotros mismos y convertirnos en algo mejor. Se trata de amigarse con quien ya somos.”

Este enfoque puede no parecerse a una terapia, pero es el cimiento invisible de toda curación emocional.

Aquí está la paradoja: practicamos la compasión atenta hacia nosotros no porque queremos sentirnos mejor, sino porque nos sentimos mal. La auto-compasión es una respuesta natural y saludable al hecho de sentirse mal. Incluso un enfoque inteligente y nuevo  para el dolor emocional como la auto-compasión atenta sería insuficiente si es usado para manipular nuestra experiencia momento a momento.  La compasión definitivamente transforma nuestras emociones, pero sentirse bien es un producto secundario de la compasión. Y es cuando estamos en el modo mental de la compasión atenta que se genera un pequeño espacio alrededor de nuestras emociones destructivas que nos permite hacer cambios positivos en nuestras vidas.

¡Gracias Christopher por tus sabias palabras!

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